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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28685553">Diary of the Perfect Wife</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noiz_Bunny/pseuds/Noiz_Bunny'>Noiz_Bunny</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hetalia: Axis Powers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Diary/Journal, F/M, Genderbending, Heterosexuality, Infidelity, Interracial Relationship, Minor Canada/France (Hetalia), Parenthood, Physical Abuse, Pregnancy, Racist Language, Verbal Abuse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:01:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,226</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28685553</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noiz_Bunny/pseuds/Noiz_Bunny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>**Re-write of a previous story of mine called The Perfect Wife, story is mostly the same, just better suited to my current style**</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>America/Female China (Hetalia), Female China/Russia (Hetalia)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. 3/2/XX</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Born on the Mainland of China, I was soon whisked away by a charming, fast talking business man. At the tender age of 18, I fell into his hands like putty. Soon after, we eloped and lived in his home in Richmond, Virginia.</p><p>I remember first coming here, English fresh on my tongue and butterflies in my stomach. I felt like a princess walking into this huge house made out of red brick with a beautifully furnished interior. Alfred was so sweet, he was gentle and patient with me and always ensured I was happy. With him I felt all my dreams had come true and I couldn’t wait to begin our lifetime of happiness together. Two years have passed since then and our relationship has already soured. He's never home and when he is, he's grouchy and upset. It would be simple to just go outside and make friends with the other housewives, but Americans aren't quite accepting of the Chinese, or any other race for that matter.</p><p>The few who find me tolerable only so so because I’m married to great Alfred Jones, heir to the H&amp;F fortune. And even then, I’m often accused of being a gold digger, immigrating for a green card, and other nonsense. It amazes me that it’s so difficult to fathom that I may actually love my husband. </p><p>I sat in the sunroom, enjoying a cup of tea and a book before I was interrupted by Alfred storming in the room.</p><p>”Oh, welco-“</p><p>”Yes, yes, we need to talk.” He quickly kissed me on either cheek as he pulled up a chair in front of me. His brows were tightly knit together in worry as he sat down.</p><p>”You just got home, what on Earth must we discuss?” I closed my book and gave him my full attention. </p><p>“My mother’s been nagging me about grandchildren. Do you think we could possibly start trying anytime soon?”</p><p>Everything in our lives had become a schedule, even now we’re budgeting time to have children. We had settled into a painfully mundane life that revolved solely around Alfred’s wants and needs. Boredom was the kindest way to describe how I felt about our marriage. </p><p>“Wang Yao, I’m talking to you.”</p><p>I blinked quickly, snapping out of my those and scrambling to think of a response. “We’ve always talked about having a family, so of course.”</p><p>Alfred smiled wide, hugging me tightly. I flinched, but he didn’t seem to notice. I couldn’t even remember the last time he hugged me like this and to be honest, it frightened me.</p><p>”Oh, Wang Yao! You’ll make such a great mom, it’s just like we planned isn’t it?” </p><p>I nodded, laughing awkwardly as our excitement was not evenly matched. “I guess this means I must increase your allowance for that dream nursery, doesn’t it?”</p><p>Money, money, money. What kind of materialistic woman does he take me for? </p><p>“That’s all well and good, my dear. Now hand me your coat, your dinner is ready and I’ll draw a bath.”</p><p>”No need. Tonight, my Arthur is hosting a small get together and many potential investors are attending. I would like you to join me, such a beautiful woman should be shown off.”</p><p>I twiddled my thumbs, I never got along well with his brother. He always gave me strange looks and whenever we were alone he’d make coy passes though I was his brother’s wife.</p><p>”I don’t know.. I don’t want to disrupt your business and I wouldn’t know anyone.”  </p><p>“That’s not true! I’m sure Maddie will tag along with Francis, you two get along don’t you?” </p><p>Francis was by far the most tolerable of the siblings, better than Alfred too. Though his wife, Maddie was quiet soft spoken, but our conversations are always pleasant when she wasn’t busy with their gaggle of children. I can’t imagine caring for three toddlers all alone while Alfred was at work, I’d probably rip my hair out.</p><p>”Well.. that makes me feel better.” <br/>
<br/>
“Great! And when we get home, we can start.. trying?”</p><p>I laughed nervously since at the age of 20, we already have a sexless marriage, I apologize for the lack of phrasing. Alfred was always away on his business trips and once he was home, he usually takes his dinner to his office and come to bed at unreasonably late hours long after I was asleep. Now we reserved these activities to birthdays and holidays. Also to be frank, I had no interest in being intimate with my husband so it was a relatively happy arrangement. </p><p>“Also you could wear that dress your mother made, a shi.. shi.. you know the one!”</p><p>For a man fluent in Mandarin, he could at least make a better attempt at pronouncing the word. </p><p>“Qipao, dear.”</p><p>”Yes, that’s the one! Let’s not dally, hurry and get ready love.”</p><p>I did as instructed and went to my vanity. I watched myself as I made my face. Carefully practicing my speech to best mask my accent to avoid their cheeky jokes. I then diverted my attention, watching Alfred go to and fro behind me pulling on his trousers and suspenders then quickly tousling his hair in the mirror. I never cared for these events, many a time I’d stand in silence listening to his co-workers wives gossip about me in the corner.</p><p>
  <em>"Look at that chink. How was she even let into the country? Isn't there a law about that?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"And she's so thin, it's disgusting! Like.. What are they.."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Chop sticks?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yes!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Ugly little bamboo coon needs to go back to where she came from."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I agree."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"It's a shame Alfred married that baby-muncher. What ugly children they'll have, if she's doesn't eat it first!"</em>
</p><p>I gritted my teeth, becoming irritated with my own thoughts. And Alfred would be none the wiser, brushing off my complaints as it was just girl-talk and regular neighborhood gossip as if his own wife wasn’t the butt of their jokes. I breathed deeply to calm myself and slipped in the red Qipao Mother made for our engagement photos. It was a bit tighter than I remember, but the American diet certainly has made me gain a few pounds. I opened the box on my table revealing a simple golden chain and clasped it gently around my neck. <br/>
<br/>
“You look ravishing, my dear.”</p><p>Alfred slowly coiled his fingers around my neck, I stiffened, afraid that he’d apply pressure. I was unsure of what I had did wrong, it had been a good day and he didn’t seem upset.</p><p>”Relax, I’m just admiring you. I’m not gonna hurt you.” </p><p>Despite his reassurance I wasn’t put at ease. Alfred always had a fickle temper and even the most minuscule of details could send him into a raging fury. And unfortunately for me, I usually took the brunt of that anger. </p><p>“I-I see. Shall we go then?”</p><p>He released me and I could breathe easy. I followed him downstairs as the car awaited us to head to his brother’s gathering. Arthur greeted us with flushed cheeks, already heavily inebriated though the party had just begun. </p><p>“Ally, Yao! Looking as lovely as ever. Come Ally,  there’s some gentlemen I’d like for you to meet.”</p><p>Before we could even properly make it in the door, Alfred was already stolen from me. Though that wasn’t atypical, I wandered over to the buffet table and helped myself to a glass of champagne and watched the crowd mingle. I could see the women gathered together gossiping, occasionally glancing my way, but I was much too tired to acknowledge their antics. </p><p>“Yao, my its been so long!”</p><p>I turned to see Maddie’s sweet face and swollen midsection. I must say, its rare that I haven’t seen her pregnant. </p><p>“Maddie! How have you been?”</p><p>She nervously adjusted her glasses and twirled her hair. “I’ve been good. The children keep me busy and with another on the way, my hands will be so full!”</p><p>I recalled briefly meeting their daughters, so close in age they are often mistaken as twins. I smiled as I would be in that same boat soon, in constant agony toting around Alfred’s children because I’m sure after the first he won’t stop at one. </p><p>“How are Wendy and Michelle?”</p><p>”Oh, growing like weeds! I hope the next one is a boy, combing their hair is an absolute nightmare.”</p><p>I smiled as we continued making idle chatter. It wasn’t her fault, but I wasn’t particularly interested in our conversations. Neither of us wanted to be here, Maddie’s much too shy and I’m sure Francis knows well how much she disliked crowds. And I hated coming because the people simply disliked me, no one enjoys being mocked for two hours straight. </p><p>Suddenly, I felt a cold shiver run down my spine and a sticky wetness dribbled down my back. Maddie gasped as I turned to see a brunette woman sneering at me. </p><p>“My! I didn’t see you there, please forgive me. I hope that dress wasn’t too expensive.”</p><p>Maddie scrambled to hand me napkins and pat the stain dry, but I waved her off. Without acknowledging the woman, I stormed out the house heading in the direction I believe is home. </p><p>"Wang Yao!"</p><p>"Go away! I'm going home!"</p><p>"Wang Yao, get back here right now!"</p><p>I stopped and turned to him.</p><p>"I'm your wife! You know how much I hate attending these things, I never fail to be made a fool of. Look at this! She purposefully spilled her drink on me and for what?! Because I’m Asian?! They always do this, Alfred! Every fucking time!”</p><p>Alfred left the pathway and made a beeline for me, snatching my bun and yanking me close. I  bit lip and anxiously looked around hoping no one was watching. </p><p>“Now you listen to me. I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but accidents fucking happen. You do not speak that way to me, especially not in front of my brothers and company. You will get back in that house, clean yourself up, and get your act together. Do you understand me?” </p><p>I nodded frantically. “I understand. Please stop before someone sees!”<br/>
<br/>
Alfred looked down at me with a grimace and straightened his lapel, clearing his throat. My bun hung awkwardly at my neck, I decided to get rid of it all together and let my hair fall to my waist. </p><p>“Are you ready to go back in now?”</p><p>I nodded though I wasn’t. No matter my refusals it was either I return now or return with a black eye, but in both scenarios I would have to face them again. The party continued without us and no one was none the wiser we had left, besides the women who made it a point to torture me at every occasion. I decided to stick close to Alfred as Maddie must’ve went back to Francis now.</p><p>”Al, where did you go?!”</p><p>Alfred chuckled and extended a hand to the man. “My wife has been feeling sick lately, we’ve been trying to get pregnant so I think we’ve hit the jackpot.”</p><p>”Oh congrats! Toast to that!”</p><p>The men clinked their glasses and continued their conversation as if I wasn’t there. Why congratulate him when he only donated the sperm? I have to carry his child for nine months, my body is doing all the work to grow his child, so why wasn’t I praised more? Not that I wanted their praise, but Alfred isn’t the only one involved in having a child.</p><p>”You’re gonna be a dad Ally?!”</p><p>Both Francis and Arthur rushed over to our group, jostling their brother with praise. Arthur turned to me and placed his hand on my belly, I shivered repulsed by his touch. </p><p>“Hope it takes after you rather than Al. He was a pretty ugly kid.” </p><p>Alfred shoved his brother and continued their raucous celebrations. I laughed awkwardly at the whole farce since I was very much not pregnant, he just needed an excuse for nearly beating me in public. I shuffled awkwardly as Alfred conversed, with his lie I couldn’t drink my inhibitions away as I usually did. </p><p>"Alfred.. I want to go home.."</p><p>"You've embarrassed me once. I will not have you do it again. You will sit here quietly and wait until I've finished discussing with these gentlemen. Do you understand?"</p><p>I nodded and found the nearest seat to hide away in. I folded my dress neatly on my lap and watched the partygoers enjoy themselves. Maybe I’d enjoy these things more if Alfred wasn’t so insufferable, but even then the types of people who enjoy these things are just as bad. </p><p>When we finally did go home, Alfred was drunker than he usually allowed probably because his brother was hosting. I helped him up the stairs to our room and undressed him.</p><p>”Someone’s feeling frisky.. You’re never like this..” </p><p>“Alfred, I’m just helping you change, that’s all.” </p><p>He sucked his teeth as he jerked my arm, pulling me on top of him. I gasped, inhaling the stench of liquor. I pushed up on his chest and straddled his lap. </p><p>“We said we’d try tonight.. don’t be prude.” </p><p>“You’re drunk. Not like this, okay? Let’s just rest.”</p><p>He easily pushed me to the bed and reversed our positions then sloppily kissed my neck. </p><p>“Alfred, please! You stink, can’t this wait?”</p><p>He ignored my protests and proceeded to search for the zipper of my dress. “Christ, where is the damn thing?!” Once he became fed up with that, he pulled up my skirt and ripped off my panties. I sighed, much too tired to reject his advances and let myself go limp. It would be over soon anyway as especially in this state Alfred would not last long. I stared at the wall patiently waiting occasionally moaning for encouragement. And minutes later he stuttered, rolled on his side, and slept soundly. I sat up on side the bed and held my face in my hands, weeping silently. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. 4/17/XX</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As I always I awoke before Alfred and quickly cleaned myself up from the night before. Alfred was very particular about his routines and it’s important that I adhere to that. Every morning, he’d awake at 6:45 and expect breakfast and a cup of coffee with his briefcase packed by the door. As his doting housewife, I’d wake up 4:30 every morning to have everything sorted for him. It wasn’t always like this, when we first married we’d wake up late and cuddle in the mornings. He’d tell me how beautiful I was, that he’s the luckiest guy in the world to have married me I’d laugh and kiss his cute little nose. About a year in, his father gave him a promotion and something shifted within him. He was like an old man though only two years older than I, it was like we had been married for years and not in a good way. </p><p>I tied my hair in a ponytail and started Alfred’s meal, I was feels quite uninspired today so a simple eggs and bacon should suffice. I hummed to myself as the bubbling of the coffee machine filled our home. I never realized how quiet it was, this house was much too big for the two of us, so maybe children wouldn’t be so bad. But as bad as this sounded, I didn’t want children with him. I was terrified our sons would grow up to be like him or I’d raise weak-willed daughters and I couldn’t bare to not only be a failure of a daughter <em>and</em> as a mother. Lost in my thoughts, 6:45 came quicker than anticipated and I could hear his sleepy footsteps come down the stairs. Alfred trudged into the kitchen kissing my neck then lazily wrapped his arms around my waist and muttered something that I think was ‘good morning’. </p><p>I leaned my head on his and sighed blissfully. These were the things I missed. “Good morning, sleepyhead.”</p><p>“You’re too good to me, Yao. Thank you for putting up with me.” </p><p>I chuckled, knowing all too well that a piece of work was the kindest descriptor I could use for my husband. I ushered him to the table and poured coffee into his favorite mug. It said ‘#1 boyfriend’, I bought it for him after we had been together for a year. He courted me me from long distance for about a year after meeting me on vacation with his family. At the time, I was only 17 barely graduated high school and planning for college. A couple of friends convinced me to go shopping until some foreigners came to ask for directions. He spoke fluent mandarin and I was quite surprised by his looks and pronunciations. His brothers stood awkwardly at a distance, impatiently waiting for our conversation to end.</p><p>“My family and I will be here a few weeks, may I have your email?”</p><p>I agreed and the rest was history. A year later, he returned with a ring and proclamation to take me to America, much to my parents displeasure. But I was so in love that I accepted the proposal and left the safety of home a week later to this nightmarish country.</p><p>”I didn’t make anything too fancy today, I hope you like it.”</p><p>He grunted in agreeable, preoccupied answering emails on his phone as I set a plate for him and myself. We ate our breakfast in silence as per usual. Once he was done, he returned upstairs to get ready for work leaving me to do the dishes. By the time I was finished tidying the kitchen, Alfred would come back down and kiss my cheek then I’d hand him his briefcase. </p><p>”I’ll be back late tonight, so just put my dinner in the microwave. Also, I scheduled you an appointment with Dr. Braginsky at 3. I’ll call you later, okay?”</p><p>“Alright, hace a good day Alfred.”</p><p>I nodded and off he went, leaving me alone. It seems I would have to bide my time until 3, sadly for me it was only 7:30. I sat and watched daytime soap operas and filed my nails. I always wondered how housewives could be satisfied with such a boring day-to-day. Not that I had big dreams myself, but I imagined I’d work the usual nine to five like everyone else, but I suppose it’s nice to be taken care of.</p><p>Eventually 3 o’clock came and I was driven to the clinic, an OB/GYN, a detail Alfred conveniently left out. I sighed— he was much more eager than I, but at least being pregnant would give me something to do if it happened.  But as it looked, my cycle was quite late, so I’m sure today I’d get a positive result.</p><p>I felt awkward in the gynecologist office, so many women with swollen bellies and glowing faces, husbands in tow. As a young girl, I’d play house with my dollies and give them big, lively families as I dreamt for myself. A loving husband, beautiful wife, two model children, and a pet. While most of it indeed happened, I received my loving husband and my grandiose, princess wedding, but it soon soured and I learned fairytales don’t always have happy endings.</p><p>”..Mrs. Jones?”</p><p>I blinked, so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t hear the nurse calling me back. I quickly trudged across the waiting room, feeling the piercing gaze of hormonal eyes boring holes in my back. Once in the safety of the examination room, I waited patiently for the doctor to come and run his necessary tests to determine if I was pregnant or not. I then found myself pleasantly surprised by the doctor who will be possibly accompanying me these next nine months. He was outrageously tall, much taller than Alfred, with silver blond hair. An albino, I assume with those peculiar purple eyes and ghostly pale skin. His face was masculine and chiseled, but harbored a soft expression that put me at ease. He reminds me of a bear, dual sided in nature with the capability to be both vicious and loving. The dashing doctor extended his large paw to me for a strong handshake that nearly crushed my dainty hand.</p><p>“Ivan Braginsky. I’ll be overseeing the care of you and your child.”</p><p>“Possible child. I— My husband and I aren’t quite sure, but we’ve been trying the last few months and we’re hoping everything works out.”</p><p>Ivan smiled warmly and it made me blush. I haven’t met a man this charming and handsome since Alfred.</p><p>”Well, I can definitely help you with that. Will your husband be joining us today?”</p><p>I fiddled with my fingers, embarrassed by the question, but it was bound to come up. “He’s a an executive director of a finance company and a very busy man, so it’ll often be just me.”</p><p>My response left a bitter taste in my mouth, it must’ve sounded awful. I must seem like a neglected wife starving for her husband’s attention. While the neglecting was definitely the truth, I can certainly survive without his affections.</p><p>“I see.” He scrubbed his hands in the sink and popped on a pair of gloves then proceeded to prod my lower belly with gentle fingers. </p><p>“Judging from your accent, are you from China?”</p><p>I nodded, relieved that no insult or unpleasant look came after his question. He had an accent of his own too, it was nice to meet someone like me.</p><p>”Interesting. I’m originally from Russia, but I guess my name was a dead giveaway, wasn’t it?”</p><p>We both laughed at the joke as he scribbled something on his notepad. He sat on a rolling stool and scooted over to the front of the examination table. </p><p>“Small talk aside, I’d like to check your overall vaginal health since you are on the slimmer side, pregnancy might be a bit difficult for you. If you feel any discomfort, please let me know.”</p><p>I reluctantly slid my feet into the metal stirrups and allowed him to examine my lower region, making me quite uncomfortable. No one besides Alfred had been down there and it felt like borderline adultery to have him poking around. Every now again, I’d wince or groan in discomfort and receive quick, yet quiet sorry in return. And once the lengthy excavation of my reproductive organs ended, he deemed that pregnancy will be taxing, yet doable.</p><p>”Alright, so the nurses will instruct you on how to give a urine sample and we’ll collect some blood to gauge your hCG levels and get back to you in a couple days. It was very nice meeting you, Mrs. Li.”</p><p>I nodded then stunned that he referred to me by my maiden name. Though I hyphenated, everyone called me Mrs. Jones. I flushed a deep pink as he left the room and I swear I saw a hint of a smirk before he left. I’d be a liar to say I wasn’t smitten by the doctor, but any woman would be swayed by such a handsome man. Besides it was only cheeky bedside manner since we’d be seeing each other quite a lot these next few months. </p><p>As promised, a few days later I received the call, promptly at 3:20 that I was indeed pregnant. I wasn’t exactly pleased by the news, but at least it’ll keep Alfred’s hands off me for a few months. Regular women would put together cute and clever notes to tell their husbands, but I sent him a simple text and returned to tidying the house.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. 4/28/XX</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW// abuse</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Though it had just begun, I was already quite tired of being pregnant. After preparing Alfred’s breakfast, I would sleep the day away and be incredibly nauseous. We argued slightly because I had been slacking on the housework recently so he hired me some help as I progressed. I wouldn’t always be like this, but without even housework to do I felt incredibly useless. I just wanted to bide my time to stop the bickering, luckily because I’m pregnant he has refrained.</p><p>I remember when Alfred first hit me, I was so stunned. I thought it’d be the last time because surely my Alfred was not that type of man, but I was sorely mistaken. It was about six months into our marriage and I had begged him we travel to Shanghai as I was feeling terribly homesick. So he surprised me with a vacation to my hometown which I was so excited for. After some sightseeing, we of course went to visit my parents who were over the moon to see me again. However that night at the dinner table, there were more words exchanged than I anticipated and I was grateful until it became quite malicious. Beginning with Alfred’s poor use of chopsticks and requesting for fork and spoon, then my father ridiculing him of poor businessman-ship by making the observation that his trips here should match up with his knowledge and execution of Chinese culture. Next, mother’s suggestions and rather long list of suitors I should’ve wed and the final blow of angry complaints of ending our <em>unappealing</em> and <em>fraudulent</em> marriage. Thankfully, Alfred’s quick mind and even quicker tongue allowed him to combat the barrage of negativity. At the time, I was so proud to see my man defend our love and commitment and hope that my parents would know that I had made the right decision.</p><p>He managed to keep a cool head through dinner and the way back to the hotel, but once the door closed behind us all hell broke loose.</p><p>”Where do they get off criticizing me like that?! I do the best that I can for you and I’m doing pretty great, so I don’t understand!”</p><p>”Don’t stress about it too much darling! My parents can be.. pretty judgmental, but I’m their only daughter and they only want what’s best for me. They meant no har-“</p><p>”I’m what’s best for you! It doesn’t get better than that, none of those guys could possibly measure up to me! I’m Alfred F. Jones, no one’s better than me!”</p><p>Id never seen this pompous attitude before, but I should’ve known it wouldn’t end well for me. The man I knew was generous, kind, and always had a smile on his face.</p><p>”A-Alfred.. I know you’re upset, but please try to understand where they’re coming from..”</p><p>He pushed past me, opening the bar and pouring himself a glass of whiskey. Alfred downed the glass in two sips, concerning me more as he wasn’t much of a drinker at the time. </p><p>“I’m so sick of your parents looking down on me! I am the heir to a Fortune 500 company, what the fuck else can I fucking do, Yao?!”</p><p>”Please don’t curse at me.. you know I don’t like it. Let’s ju-“</p><p>He stabbed his index finger square into my sternum, jarring me. </p><p>“You don’t <em>ever</em> tell me what to do. Do you understand me?”</p><p>I was paralyzed in fear and my brain couldn’t understand what was happening. His voice was deep and menacing, not at all my husband. I backed away slightly, realizing the gravity of the situation.</p><p>”That’s not at all what I meant, darling. You know how I feel about those words, I was only-“</p><p>My cheek stung and I was on the ground. My hair a frizzy mess as I held my face in shock of what had occurred. I didn’t know whether to cry or yell or leave as quickly as possible. It was the beginning of the end for my husband and I, but I didn’t know then. </p><p>“You.. you hit me. I think I should go stay with my parents tonight.”</p><p>I shakily stood as I heard the clinking of the whiskey decanter while he poured himself another glass.</p><p>”And what?! Prove them right? I’m not a bad husband, I love you more than life itself! They made me like this, I’m never this way.” Alfred chugged his drink as he made his excuses. </p><p>“I need to get another room, I don’t want to stay with you tonight.”</p><p>I grabbed my coat and started for the door, Alfred quickly blocked my exit. His cheeks were beginning to flush, but it seemed he was still in his right mind. “You aren’t going anywhere. We bicker, just go to bed.”</p><p>”Hitting me isn’t just bickering, Alfred. Please let me leave.”</p><p>I used my shoulder to wedge myself between him and the door, straining to reach the handle, but he was much stronger than I. Alfred easily shoved backed, knocking me off balance and me on the floor. </p><p>“You will not go down there and make a fool of me. Just go to bed.”</p><p>I nodded, looking at the floor where I sat. I was too afraid to push him any further. I thought I was more strong willed than to take my husband smacking me around like a rag doll. Although I never thought my beloved would have the gall to do such a thing either. My fairytale romance was shattered that day and I never felt the same about him since.</p><p>I always looked forward to having the perfect pregnancy in my perfect home with my husband happy in our perfect life. I never wanted anything more to mother his children and now I can barely stand the thought of it. I cleared my throat and turned my attention to the baby catalogs Alfred left me to busy myself as these thoughts were becoming unbearable. Amidst my circling, Alfred came home planting a whopping kiss on my temple. I looked up startled by the sudden affection, I hadn’t even heard him come home.</p><p>“Oh, good evening my beautiful wife! How was your day?” He took a seat next to me, meeting my eyes waiting for my response. It had been quite sometime since he had asked me such a question.</p><p>”I.. was a bit sick, but otherwise well. How was work?”</p><p>”Fantastic! I’ve been telling all my co-workers about the baby and everyone is so excited to meet Baby Jones!”</p><p>I chuckled softly. “I’m happy you’re excited, but.. anything could happen in these beginning stages. Maybe we should keep it more private until my second trimester, what do you think?”</p><p>He was clearly displeased by my response, putting an obvious damper on his mood. “We’ll make sure nothing like that happens, right Yao?” Though not a direct threat, I could feel his intent, so I nodded. </p><p>“Good. As I was saying, everyone’s excited for us, so my brother is throwing us a shower closer to your due date! Isn’t it exciting?”</p><p> I smiled brightly though I was quite disinterested. He continued to chatter away about the planning, starting a baby registry, and asking about my choices for the nursery. I should definitely be more excited, but I found myself becoming annoyed with Alfred. Be it hormones or I’ve grown weary of his mistreatment of me, I had no desire to discuss anything with him ever. I just wanted to have my baby and busy myself with our child to get away from him. It saddened me how bitter I’ve become and that at the age of 20 I had found myself stuck in a loveless marriage. </p>
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